I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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