I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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