I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
