woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm passing your future prison.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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