she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
