the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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