he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
