ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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