you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
