I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
