so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
