If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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