i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
