Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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