He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
