I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
