I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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