I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
