I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
