I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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