apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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