i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
