Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
