Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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