he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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