I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
