By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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