Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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