all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
40s are totally the cure
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
