Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize