we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
