she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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