I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Send help, water and tortillas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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