is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize