you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
