I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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