I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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