Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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