i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
