she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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