I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I still have a little drunk in my system
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
