Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
