I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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