I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize