My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She told me I should be a condom model.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
