is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
