Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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