At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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