The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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