Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
