hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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