I hate all girls vehemently.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
