i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
