dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
