covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
