I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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