My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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