I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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