Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
