why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
