We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
