He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
