I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
