she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
