I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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