I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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