I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
