Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
