I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
