but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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