they need to just BURY HIM!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
