Soap is not a condiment
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize